Blogging through Joshua Gibbs’ A Parley with Youth
By Brian Phillips
Gibbs: How does spiritual strength manifest itself?
Taylor: In overcoming temptation.
Gibbs: And what is the best way to overcome temptation?
Taylor: With prayer.
Gibbs: I disagree.
Taylor: Are you serious?
Gibbs: Maybe. What sort of prayer do you mean?
Taylor: Prayers for wisdom.
Gibbs: Then, yes, I am serious. If a man is confronted by profound temptations, the last thing he should do is sit down, make himself comfortable, and begin praying for wisdom.
Taylor: What should he do?
Gibbs: Accept the wisdom God has already given you in the Scriptures, in the writings of the great saints, and in the chapter on common sense which is written in the book of nature.
Taylor: And what is that wisdom?
Gibbs: Run. Do what Eve should have done. When you get to a safe distance, begin praying that you would not invent specious reasons to go back. When Joseph was tempted to sleep with Potiphar’s wife, he didn’t pray the temptation would pass.”
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The second dialogue in the Joshua Gibbs’s A Parley with Youth introduces “Taylor,” a student who comes to Gibbs seeking advice on what to do about a friend who is going astray – drinking, cheating on tests, disrespecting teachers, and taking advantage of his parents’ trust. And, over the course of the dialogue, a couple (to name only a couple) of important misunderstandings – or outright foolishness – are revealed.
Confusing “Niceness” with Genuine Friendship
Taylor reveals that he has spoken with his youth pastor about the wayward friend and was told that “we shouldn’t give up on him. We should surround him, love him, and have confidence that righteousness is stronger than sin.”
Gibbs replies, “That sounds like what youth pastors say” and goes on to emphasize that such platitudes do little to actually address the problem, which is the young man’s sin.
Gibbs: Are you keeping him accountable now?
Taylor: What do you mean?
Gibbs: Have you confronted him on his sin? Have you told him you want no part in his sin? Have you told his parents what he’s doing? (The answer, sadly, is no…so, Gibbs continues) … Thus far, I am not sure what he needs you for.”
It is true that friends do not abandon one another, but when a friend goes astray, the one who does not warn him is the one who truly abandons him. “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity” (Proverbs 17:17).
And, as Solomon also says, “Better is open rebuke than hidden love. Faithful are the wounds of a friend; profuse are the kisses of an enemy” (Proverbs 27:5-6). To put it bluntly, Taylor was showing himself to be an enemy of the young man going astray.
Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 says, “Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up!” Modern empathy culture (including the fictional youth pastor) advises that, when a friend has fallen, it is best to simply fall down next to them to make sure they don’t get lonely down there. True friendship lifts up. True friendship acknowledges the fall and picks up the fallen brother.
The youth pastor’s advice to “surround him, love him” without confronting the actual sin is like giving a man a hug to make him feel better about his self-inflicted gunshot wound. Niceness has become, to many Christians, a substitute for actually helping those who have fallen.
The wayward young man did not need prayers for wisdom, he needed to repent and be told to run away from temptation when it comes again (because it will). He did not need to simply be “surrounded” with friends who would say loving things, he needed them to love him enough to tell him the truth.
Misrepresenting the Ministry of Jesus
As the dialogue continues, Taylor excuses his approach with that frequently repeated mantra, “But Jesus hung out with sinners and prostitutes!”
Matthew 9:10-11 records one instance used to back up such a claim. “Now it happened, as Jesus sat at the table in the house (with Matthew), that behold, many tax collectors and sinners came and sat down with Him and His disciples. And when the Pharisees saw it, they said to His disciples, ‘Why does your Teacher eat with tax collectors and sinners?’”
This text (as well as the similar situation in Luke 15:1-2) does not show Jesus “hanging out” with sinners. Rather, they come to Him because they are in need of forgiveness. And (in stark contrast to Taylor) Jesus called them to repentance. He did not make them feel better about their sin and leave it there.
Gibbs: Hanging out with sin does not “cover” sin. You are too embarrassed of righteousness to actually cover sin. Your proposal for treating this young man’s sin – or your youth pastor’s proposal, rather – bolsters sin and ultimately adopts it. It astounds me how often young Christians take the claim “Jesus hung out with prostitutes” to mean, “What God really wants is for me to play Xbox and watch Netflix with my worldly friends. If I play Xbox with them for long enough, eventually they’ll become Christians.”
As Gibbs goes on to point out, the characterization of Christ’s ministry as “hanging out” with sinners is not only inaccurate; it is dangerous.
Gibbs: I hear about the importance of establishing long-term friendships with the lost before preaching the Gospel to them all the time from naïve, tender-hearted Christians who are just going off to college. They honestly believe they ought to seek out homosexuals for friends, live with them in a loving and close-knit community for several years, and then finally break it to them that God does not approve of their lifestyle.
Taylor: What’s wrong with that?
Gibbs: It doesn’t work. After a few years, the Christians in question no longer believe homosexuality is a sin. They come back home after college saying, ‘Everything changes once you actually get to know someone who is gay. Many of them are good, kind people in genuinely loving relationships, just like straight people.’ That’s how friendship works, though. That’s how influence works. As a teacher, I see it all the time. If an obedient student and a disobedient student become friends, the obedient student will become disobedient. Not the other way around. If you put a person with influenza in the same room as a healthy person, it is the influenza that rubs off, not the health.”
Now what? Things for teenagers to consider or discuss:
What makes someone a “good” friend? By that definition, are you a good friend?
How should you respond if a friend is in open, self-destructive sin?
Have you surrounded yourself with friends that will make you wiser? Friends that are good for your spiritual condition and obedience to God?
Gibbs describes Christians who befriend unbelievers in the name of “sharing the Gospel” but end up going astray themselves. Have you seen this happen? What can you learn from it?