A series of reflections on A Parley with Youth by Joshua Gibbs
By Brian Phillips
My wife and I have been blessed with four wonderful children, all born relatively close together. I can vividly remember trips to the grocery store - children surrounding the cart, sympathetic looks from fellow shoppers, and the frequent “You’ve got your hands full” comments (to which my wife always replied, “Yes. Full of good things.”).
Those days feel like yesterday, yet three of them are now teenagers – a fact which still garners sympathetic looks and “You’ve got your hands full” comments. We have traded diaper changes for college visits, high chairs for driver’s licenses. In other words, yes, our hands are full, but still “full of good things.”
Parenting teenagers requires great wisdom because being a teenager requires wisdom. For the first time in their lives, teenagers find themselves caught between two worlds – childhood and looming adulthood. They drive cars, which if not handled well, could bring lifelong consequences. They will make college and job decisions, vote, possibly move out, begin dating/courtships – all matters which are far heavier than anything they have handled before.
And one obstacle to making wise decisions as teenagers is how they view themselves. As Joshua Gibbs points out, many teenagers seemingly view adulthood or maturity as something that “happens,” like a switch is flipped. He notes, “teenagers are often quite horrified when they learn that many adults still struggle with the sins that beset them in high school, for most teenagers believe they will naturally become good and responsible as soon as they marry.”
While it is true that some sins become less appealing with age, it is also true that age does not automatically grant growth in wisdom and godliness. Any honest adult would acknowledge the “sins of youth” (Psalm 25:7), but would hasten to add that the sins of youth are not their only sins. Additionally, sometimes the sins of youth follow you into adulthood.
Gibbs continues, “While they believe they will be good as soon as they become adults, most Christian teenagers are willing to admit they sin more this year than last, and that they sinned more last year than the year before, and the same is true of every year going all the way back to the age of seven or eight. When you point this out to a roomful of teenagers, they are dumbfounded, for most have secretly known this for quite some time and are surprised to see all their peers soberly agree.”
Realizing that who you are right now will determine who you are next week, next year, and so on. There is no magic metamorphosis that occurs at high school graduation, college graduation, or marriage (speaking of godliness, not covenantal standing). If you are going to be a wise and godly man or woman, the habits of wisdom and godliness must be developed now.
We often ask our teenagers, “What kind of man or woman are you going to be? Who are you in the story God is telling?” Be that man or woman now. If you have a specific destination in mind, you have to take steps to get there.
Proverbs 20:11 says, “Even a child makes himself known by his acts, by whether his conduct is pure and upright.” Solomon’s point is not merely a matter of reputation, but of character. Our conduct as children or teenagers, creates patterns, ways of thinking, priorities, that are very difficult to unlearn. This is why Solomon, likely years later, advised, “Remember also your Creator in the days of your youth…” (Ecclesiastes 12:1).
Now what? Things for teenagers to consider:
· When you are a grandfather or grandmother, what kind of life do you want to have? What would you want your children and grandchildren to think of you?
· Once you answer that, work backwards. What kind of habits and behavior would lead me there? How should I live today if I am going to become a wise and godly man or woman?
· If I continue in my current patterns, habits, and priorities, where will they lead me? Is that really where the Lord would have me go? Is that the kind of life God has called me to pursue?